Kung Fu Gorillas
Mar 17th, 2009 by Frank
I was 10 years old when I crossed the threshold into a small shack on Route 111 called Tai Zen and began a journey that would last the next 12 years of my life. It was a jiu-jitsu school, a tiny little place, but we stepped in, my father and I, and we were surrounded by students a little older than I with different colored belts wrapped around their waists, keeping their gi’s closed. I had been dreaming about that moment for a long time. It was one of those things you mythicize in your head, like entering the Jedi Academy or going off to Hogwarts. They were going to make me different. Better. I was the asthmatic runt of my neighborhood and I got picked on. A lot.
I spent a few years in that sweat-stained hovel before moving on to semi-private lessons in Wing Chun and Jeet Kune Do in a sweat-stained basement in Central Islip. And it was then, when I started to get really good at this kind of thing, that the nightmare started.
In real life, I was fast. Scary fast. My lack of bulk was offset by the fact that I could hit someone six times before they could finish the follow-through on their first roundhouse. So naturally, the nightmares had me fighting in slow motion — literal slow motion, like the scenes in the movies — while my adversary pounded blow after blow at full speed into my chest.
This past week, I’ve been having those nightmares again, but they’ve changed a bit. Gotten a bit meaner.I’m not just fighting another martial artist anymore. Now I’m fighting… well… last night it was an enraged Silverback gorilla who came bursting out of a bathroom in the Beijing Mall and tried to put my head through six inches of concrete and steel. If you can’t visualize that, it’s a little scarier than you might imagine.
All kidding aside, having 800 pounds of carnivorous fury coming to rend you limb from limb is one of those “check your shorts” moments. But something else is different about these dreams: I’m giving up. I’m losing when I do it, but I’m giving up before I’m a bloody pulp, which was never the case before. I would always lose in the dream, but I never stopped trying. The twist in the new dreams has been bothering me this week and I’ve been struggling to figure out why they’ve been reoccurring now. I mean, I started studying the martial arts because I was always getting pushed around. There was always the threat of violence. I’m not fighting anyone now. Right?
Wrong. I’m fighting everyone.
All day. Every day. Except now the 800-lb. gorilla is the language. And I am giving up. I do it every day. Living in a country where you don’t speak the native language fluently is exhausting. After 10-12 hours of it, I’m so mentally fatigued that I just shut down. I fall back on set phrases, unable to acquire new vocabulary, and I just need to get away from the chatter to let it all assimilate. I realize that I’ve been a bit disappointed in myself in that I’m not always able to say everything I want to say. I hate asking for help from people. Hate it. I’ve had to do it a lot since I got here. I can tell you now from experience that it is not an acquired taste, either.
I have to say, it’s moments like these when I miss having someone share my bed. I get a private little chuckle when I think about how that conversation would go down. I’d sit bolt upright in bed, a stifled cry on my lips and sweat beading my forehead and she’d mumble, “What was it this time?”
“Gorilla,” I’d say. “Big one.”
“At least it wasn’t another mutated penguin,” she’d say, pat my thigh and drift back to sleep.
I suppose there is that. What is it with me and apes these days, anyway?
okay
Subscribe to LINGO in iTunes now!
I used to have those dreams too when I was doing martial arts. Except in mine I it was like punching a pillow and did nothing. I could never hit anyone hard enough and they were trying to kill me. Not fun.
That being said, I think there’s certain plateaus we reach when it comes to learning new things that we just have to work through. It sounds like you’re hitting a plateau point that it’s going to take time to get through. My only advice is to take a deep breath and hang in there.
I’m rootin for you.
Having lived in Poland for a period of time, I completely understand the feeling of just not being able to communicate with people. I was in a small town and no one really understood English. I got frustrated one time, I think I actually broke down and cried a little. I wrote about that episode here http://joeflasher.com/wordpress/?p=226
It’s kinda funny looking back at it now, but it was really difficult at the time.
Don’t give up! You’ll be telling this story to someone in a year – in Chinese!
Kitty – I had honestly thought that just living here would be enough. Instead, I think I’m going to have to devote an hour or so a day to studying again.
Joe – It CAN be demoralizing, can’t it? As much as I love it here, some of these days have counted among the loneliest of my life.
toneandcolor – Give up in a dream? Yeah. Give up while I’m awake? Not while I’m breathing, buster!
Can’t say a member of the family Pongidae has ever pursued me in my dreams (or elsewhere), but I can totally identify with your feelings of helplessness and the related frustration.
Great to catch up earlier. Hope you have (another) fun/productive time in Beijing! For the Maglev, take line 2 east to Longyang station.
Exit the metro station and the train station’s straight ahead.
http://www.exploreshanghai.com/metro/
Gorillas are actually herbivores if that makes these things any easier for you. Patience!
Sarah & Kristina – I’ve literally been searching for days on YouTube and Youku for the piece of footage I had seen years ago of a silverback gorilla charging down a mountain. Easily one of the most terrifying moments I’d ever seen. And I don’t care if he’s a Cheeto-vore. He doesn’t have to eat what he kills!
And Sarah, thanks for the link! I’ll likely take a cab, as usual. There’s just something about taking a bus to a train so I can take it to another train so I can take it to yet another train… just so I can save about $10USD. I’m sure in a few months that 70RMB will seem like a lot to me (and honestly, I’m already getting there), but it would also make a one-hour trip into more like two. Ugh.
Frustration would definitely be the right word. I also thought just living here would be enough… I’m now studying at least 1 hour each day or I start to lose some, its hard!
Soirsce – Yeah, and I’m at a level where just the casual learning isn’t quite enough anymore. I really have to dig in now and I find that I don’t have the same motivation as I did before. I find that odd since, by all rights, I should have more.