Madman's Mutterings

Hi again.

For those just joining us, I suffered a near-fatal heart attack on Friday, August 7th, at about 4PM local Beijing time. I’m currently in a private room in the China-Japan Friendship Hospital in Beijing, waiting for a second heart surgery.

Here’s the rest…

I came out of my apartment later than I’d hoped. I’d had trouble sleeping that night, and after a series of unsuccessful naps, I finally shook off the covers, packed up my laptop, and headed off to work. It was Friday, which meant studio time with Dave and Echo for the ChineseClass101 Beginner Series. We’d recently hit upon a slight change in the format and the rest of the season was close to being done.

By the time I hit street level, I was short of breath and my chest was tight. My phone, which runs on prepaid cards, was out of money, so instead of hopping in a cab and heading to Dave’s directly, I walked around the corner to a convenience store to buy a recharge card. I almost didn’t make it.

It’s not a long walk from my place to that little whole in the wall dive, but I was out of breath and clutching my chest when I staggered across the threshold. The guy behind the counter, who knew me, told me he didn’t have any recharge cards. That wasn’t good. My vision was starting to blur and genuine panic was starting to set in. I’ve never had a heart attack before, but I can say from experience that it doesn’t feel like anything else. It’s terrifying, and there is, at the core of you, the certainty that if something is not done, you are going to die.

I did not want to die.

That much I knew.

There were a few public phones on the table nearby, and I had collapsed into a chair. I was hyperventilating and my fingers had contracted into a useless claw, and I asked the store owner to call a friend of mine. It took me six tries to pull up the number on my iPhone, but in the end it was the ambulance that showed up that took me to the hospital itself.

I remember at one point that I actually fought off the paramedics to go back for my laptop. Even in hindsight, I can’t say it was a bad idea.

I’m skipping over a lot here. There were people in and out of the store, someone handed me some pills from the pharmacy across the street, and I staggered out of that place twice to throw up.

The drive to the hospital was harrowing. I was still in a panic. I knew I was having a heart attack, but I wasn’t sure anyone else did. When they got me to the hospital they wheeled me in and things started to happen pretty quickly. I passed out at least twice, and in the midst of all that, I was asked about insurance information, if I had a credit card with me, where was my passport, sign here please, do you have any allergies, oh sorry, and then…

The surgery.

I will say to you my friends that if you are ever offered the opportunity to undergo heart surgery while you are still awake, I would pass. Unless you are a masochist. In which case, you’re going to love it.

They inserted a metal wire in through the artery at my groin and threaded it up through my body, reaching the heart, and performing the necessary procedure. The word “stent” was mentioned. Something also about a balloon. But 40 minutes or so later, a Chinese doctor lowered his mask and said, “I just saved your life.” Then he left the room.

I spent the next three days in CCU (Cardiac Care Unit) with my friends taking turns to sit with me around the clock. Gail was the first on the scene. David and Echo were not far behind. Anthony showed up a bit later. They were all great. Seriously. Huge thanks belong to each and every one of them.

But it was late Friday night after the surgery when I opened my eyes and found my girlfriend, Shengyi, standing next to my bed. She hasn’t left me since.

I hadn’t spoken of her yet because we’d only been dating a few weeks, but she’s aces in my book. I really would have expected this to scare off someone this early in a relationship, but she’s been nothing but supportive and awesome.

Anyway, it’s now been a week since the incident and I’ve had someone in my room every day, at least twice a day, asking me about the money. That’s been… stressful. And I’m sorry, but saying “don’t worry about it right now” doesn’t make it less so. I’ve got to have a second surgery in a day or two to remove the blockage from another major artery, but we couldn’t do that until the funds were in place, which just happened this morning.

I’ll write again in a few days, after I get out of the CCU again. They were kind enough to give me internet access in my room after they caught me trying to hack my doctor’s computer again. Heh.

I’m sorry I can’t give some of you a more personal reply to the e-mails you’ve written. Please bear with me. I’ve been deeply touched by the kind notes and replies and I’ll write more as I’m able.

Wish me luck on the next surgery, eh? Maybe I can find the word for “anesthetic” in my dictionary before I go in.

Oh, and if you’re wondering if this kind of thing has a profound impact on the way you see your life, of course the answer is yes. Changes will be made, but we’ll talk about that another time. For now, rest.

Thank you, all.